i_am_the_real_steven's Xanga

Thursday, April 05, 2007

Thu, 05 Apr 2007 19:15:53 GMT

So things started getting better for me. And then they got worse again.

How come when things get better for me things get worse for everyone else?

Sometimes I sit in my room wondering why or what I did to deserve this.I was always taught to never blame my problems on someone else, so I leaned to blame everything on myself. I blamed my parent’s problems on myself. I blamed my friend’s problems on myself. I felt people’s hate because I didn’t know what else to do with them and their problems. And somewhere along the way I lost myself and I know that now. I don't know what I can do about it. Sometimes I think I'm alone. Sometimes I want to give up and just sit or lay down in a corner with the music turned up and just forget everything. But then I remember I have people that care about me. I have people that I care about. And I keep going. Mac, Christina, Alex, Daniel, and Lindsey are people who keep me going. They are the only reason I can feel good about something. I also have people like Branden and Andrew who can keep me smiling. I have great friends which makes me okay. I want to get away from my family. And why do people always want drama. Talk about someone behind their back? steal someone's money? when i go to school i feel depressed because its all i hear. and i go home to my family problems and I'm sick of it because I always take everything to heart and I don't have much of a heart left because it's constantly being stomped on by my own family. They say theres only one kind of person who can hurt you more than a stranger, and thats your family. And I believe that now. If someone knows something I can do to ignore problems or if anyone knows anyway to where I don't have to feel sad anymore, let me know. Although people are always starting more drama at school there are afew good people there. And when they talk to me I don't know what to say. The only thing I know how to say anymore is "things are going to be okay"

If anyone even reads this..

Please pray for her, her 7 year old brother, and her parents. They need all of the prayers they can get. They are little kids, they did nothing to deserve what's happening to them.

"I don't mind being by myself. When I'm in a room with 2 other people I feel like half of myself. When I'm in a room with 3 other people I fell like a quarter of myself. And when I'm in a room filled with a whole bunch of people, I'm not an individual anymore, I'm just apart of the crowd. I haven't decided what I like to be yet, by myself or in a room filled with people. What do you like to be.. alone or nobody?"

Friday, March 23, 2007

Fri, 23 Mar 2007 21:50:54 GMT

Hey.. I failed my bio exam, so I end the class with a 91%. which means i have to get a 95% next term to get an A in the class, which isn't going to happen. So I'm not in the best mood. Why do they give an exam where the exam class average is failing? So stupid. Anyways, I have A's in all of my other classes which is good I guess.

After school today me and christina hung out, that was a good time. I have no other plans for the night, so that sucks.

"Who you chose to be around lets you know who you are."

Thursday, March 22, 2007

Thu, 22 Mar 2007 17:40:23 GMT

Hey, today was the last of the exams. Biology wasn't easy. It wasn't hard either. But I don't think I got a 90% or higher, im thinking mid 80's, which means I won't end with an A in the class. I got a 92% on the second part of latin.

My final grades so far for this quarter(still waiting on two more):

Latin 93.36%
American History 97.99% which will round up to a 98 on report card.

I know I will end with above a 95% in Comercial Design, but I don't know what I got for sure yet.(final project is due tomorrow)

I will be going to be safe-drivers ed starting april 9th, with mac for $325. If any1 else needs to go to drivers ed and wants to go w/ me.. lemme know soon.

My extra curriculars for this year I finally completely over(ski team, mock trial, FHS drama) so I need to find out what I want to do next year. I'm thinking maybe Mish and basketball? What are your thoughts? haha no one reads this so i wont get a response but hey, im laying my thoughts out, easier for me to know what I want to do haha.

Well I got nothing else to say.. break starts in two weeks.

"Life's simple.. you make choices and don't look back"

Wednesday, March 21, 2007

Wed, 21 Mar 2007 20:31:22 GMT

Hey how's life? Yeah, I know no one reads this haha.

I had my history exam today, I'm pretty sure I got a 100%, I might of missed one though.. Latin exam was 2 parts, 1 yesterday, 1 today. Yesterdays I got a 91%, today was was easier but I have no idea what I got on it, I'll find out tomorrow. Hopefully a 95% so I can be sure I have at least a 93% in that class. Biology exam is tomorrow, I'm worried, yep. Haha. I have to get a 90% to keep an A in her class, and that isn't going to happen, I'll probably got like a 70% no joke. So I have to try really really hard next quarter to end with an A in her class.

Life is going good. Rough, but good. I'm signing up for driving school this week, I'm not sure where yet, but I'm signing up this week haha. Hopefully with mac.

I don't really have anything else to say today so heres a quote.

"I kind of made myself an outsider, you know? Without even thinking about it. But I realize now.. outsider or insider, it doesn't really matter. All that matters is knowing what you really want and going after it."

Monday, March 19, 2007

Mon, 19 Mar 2007 18:41:16 GMT

I saw dead serious about life, it was a good play, I recommend you go see it. Christina's solo's were amazing. Mrs. Robinson pulled me aside after the show and told me things were getting worse, which really makes me feel bad. Please pray for her and her family. Please. After that, mandy came back to my house and ashley came over and studied bio getting ready for that exam haha. I have my latin exam tomorrow, and we have to turn our notebooks in, so I have to do all of the papers in there, which will take me at least 3 hours(I only did chapters 1-3 word studies, did anybody actually do all of them, or go past chapter 6?). Mrs. Harring(bio teacher) really pulled the bitch out last week, and she gave us a whole load of shit tonight to do. Why are they loading us on exam week? Thats bullshit haha. Anyways, life is going okay. I'm feeling a little better, but not great.

Mac Foster is my hero, and he's the best friend I got.

I love that guy.

Grade update:

Latin 92%.. uhoh i need to get that up
American History 2 98%
Commercial Design 97%.. finally back up
Biology 93%

Quote of the day.

"10% of life is what happens to you. The other 90% is how you react to it."

Sunday, March 18, 2007

Sun, 18 Mar 2007 14:47:35 GMT

Hey everybody, how's it going? I'm doing alright. I'm pretty sick though. I'm not sure with what. I've been coughing a lot. But that doesn't bother me. It makes me really tired, and thats what bothers me. I could sleep 1 hour, or 24 hours and I'll still be dead tired. So I'm going to the docs soon. I was at the gym yesterday, I was to tired to work out, when that happens, something is definitely wrong with me.

Although I haven't made any enemies, and I've made some good school friends, I haven't really made any actual friends, and the ones I have I feel like I'm losing them. Like I said previously, me Branden and andrew although close to each other, we are distant. Then my two best friends, Mac and daniel haven't been able to hang, but thats 1/2 my fault because between the play and mock trial, i had no time to hang. When I finally got time to hang, Macs been going on trips and other stuff where he's busy, and Daniels been really busy w/ school because of track and AP chemistry, and then exams this week. So hopefully in two weekends, I will get to hang with them again.

What's up with the weather this month? It finally got warm, I was feeling better, then boom, freezing again. Not cold, freezing(below 32 degrees).

Mac's going to Washington DC this coming weekend, Branden and Andrew are going New York so I'm feeling kind of alone haha.

I have exams this week, I'm pretty nervous. I have to get a 92% on my Biology exam to maintain an A in her class, and me getting a 92 on her exam just isn't going to happen. She really whipped the bitch out this week. People said she was a bitch, I was like no, she's really sweet. She reminds me of my grandma, she's a good teacher too. But wow, she went crazy haha. But as of now I have a 93% in her class.

American History 2, I could fail the test and still have an A in his class haha. I have a 98% as of now.

Latin 1, I just need to get a 95% on the exam, because I got like 2 "0"'s on my homework because she doesn't grade fair. Getting a 95% on her exam will be easy. I have a 92% in her class as of right now.

Art is my lowest grade lmao, I don't know how. I have an 84%. It'll go up once he grades my art project, hopefully up to an A. It's getting really close to the end of the quarter, so if he doesn't fix my grade and I get an 84% on my report card I'll cry. I would have to get like a 102% second quarter to get an A in his class.

So I'm stressed. It's going to be a tough week. Ashley D and Mandy B might come over today and study biology so that would help so much if it happened haha.

I'm going to start ending each entry with a quote because I've always been told, the best way to end something is with a quote. Oh and to those who asked where are my previous entries, I deleted them, because I didn't like them haha.

"One day we wake up, and we realize the world sucks. We suck for being in it, and we run away. Anything but to face ourselves as we are. Anything to avoid asking why we hate ourselves so much."

Saturday, March 17, 2007

Sat, 17 Mar 2007 15:46:04 GMT

I know nobody uses this, reads this, or cares but I figured I'd post every once n awhile.

Things are good. My familys not doing so great but who cares? I don't.. not that much.

My retarded uncle moved in, I hate him. I don't hate many people, but I do hate him.

I don't have enemies anymore, I've chilled out alo over the last 2 years. I hate a few people, I few people hat me but I don't hate any1 that hates me so I can't call them enemies.

Mac is my best friend now. He's the best kind of friend I could ever imagine having.

Me andrew and branden are still supposably "best friends" but idk i don't know them, i can't read their thoughts I have no idea where my friendship stands with them. I see them everyday and talk to them, but the friendship we use to have is gone.

I'm far from perfect, and I think people chose their friends by liking another persons flaws. Me andrew and branden are like opposites, it's kind of weird.

Daniel and Ray are two of my other really good guy friends.

I'll get into all of my friends at another time haha

All that drama in 8th grade is hopefully gone forever. I hated who I was. I've been through alot since 6th grade.. I wish I could be the guy I was then but I can't. I changed from being a beautiful child to an empty shell and by 8th grade I was nothing to myself. 9th grade was a wake up call for me, I realized who I was, who I want to be, and what I'm doing with myself. St. X was not the school for me. I'm back at Fairfield now. I'm happy. I've made new friends, lost a few, but haven't gained any enemies. Also this year I was in a play, and I was in Mock Trial so I was busy. I also have my temps now.. i can get my license soon enough. Hopefully I'll have a summer job too.

Next year I'm going to take these classes:

Anatomy and Physiology, Psychology, Street Law, Economics, Latin 2, Pre-AP English 11, and Chemisty.

I'm not sure what math class to take next year, and I also have one more elective to choose.

So life's going good. Talk to you next time.

Tuesday, January 31, 2006

Tue, 31 Jan 2006 21:39:34 GMT

Do you want to see the world? Look down. That's it right there.

War doesn't determine who's right. War determines who's left.

When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep -- not screaming, like the passengers in his car.

If you think things can't get worse it's probably only because you lack sufficient imagination.

Expecting the world to treat you fairly because you are good is like expecting the bull not to charge because you are a vegetarian.

Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.

I deleted all of the other posts.